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I attend many group outings for the Size Community and I see so many women and men looking for that "right someone" and I would love to give my input on things and what I have learned, experienced and witnessed. If you ladies or gentlemen have questions or have something to add feel free to contact me. I will answer. Remember these are questions I will post on the page. If you do not want your question posted please let me know! I WILL RESPECT ANY AND EVERYONES PRIVACY. So use a nick name if you like or an initial, etc. Here are a few things I have learned in the past year and a half that I thought I would share them with you. I will also include questions from those of you who may have questions or whatever. I think we can all learn from one another. *Decide what type of relationship you want or are looking for. Are you looking for something casual or a long term, committed relationship? If you are looking for just something casual you should know that most women equate sex and feelings/emotions. So it may start off casual in your mind and his but sooner or later I have found with acquaintances that something more is going to be wanted. *Always take responsibility for your body. Always require protection (male and female). If "he" doesn't want to use it then move on. It's only up to you to decide what is more important. Moments of pleasure or the possible out come of those moments. *Love and respect the person you are with. But love and respect yourself more. *Remember you can be alone and happy than with someone and unhappy. *Fella's, you want your lady to pamper and treat you like a king? Well, make her feel like she's the next best thing to slice bread. Compliment her, give her hugs just because. Don't wait for "holidays" to do something special for her. *Work at your relationship. Never take each other for granted. Continue to learn about one another. Try one of those question books for couples. My boyfriend and I have used (book title) *John Gray (Venus and Mars) says to women that men need their "cave time". I say, from experience, that women need "cave moments" too. Give each other space. Do your own thing, whether reading, going for a walk, etc. We all need personal time for thinking, daydreaming relaxing, whatever. So ladies and fella's don't get hurt or angry because he/she says, as Greta Garbo once said, "I want to be alone".
QUESTION I am a BBW, 5'9", 213 pounds. I am not unattractive. But I can't seem to find anyone decent! I keep finding the freaks who give BBW's and FA's the bad name. I have no idea why. Last I checked I didn't have 'Welcome Creeps' tattooed on my forehead. I am looking for a decent lover and friend. He need not be rich or handsome--just someone sweet, caring, passionate, open-minded, and whom I am attracted to. Note--to me someone I am attracted to is NOT conventionally handsome necessarily! I have tried so many singles sites it isn't funny, and I am about to give up. I've not even had sex in over a year, much less met someone for coffee. Please help. Seeing how beautiful I am is fine, but if being this way means I'll be alone the rest of my life, I might as well diet and get on the Stair Master now. ANONYMOUS ************************** Hello Anonymous, I completely understand about certain BBW's AND FA's giving the term(s) a bad name...like an ex roommate and guys she and I have dated. I will say that it seems when you are looking for someone is what draws the "creeps" out of the wood work. Like you, I'd tried the sites and didn't have any luck. I don't know what state you live in but have you tried any of the local social clubs for bbw/bhm? I know Chicago has 1 or 2, Michigan has at least 1 so far. New York has several; as do Boston, LA, Atlanta, Ohio, Florida, etc. As far as the weight issue, I too got fed up and tried losing weight. I went from 250lbs to 195lbs and I soon became resentful, feeling as if I had to change in order to be accepted and loved. I gained the weight back and I am now at 280lbs, luckily I'm mostly boobs and hips:-) Anonymous, I would say if you choose to lose weight for reasons other than finding a man, or because of societies issues with people of size, then do it! Personally, from the way you describe yourself I would say only 15-20lbs if that. I believe in celebrating the sexiness of an ample woman and Anonymous, at 5'9, 213lbs I would celebrate like crazy if I were you! I know you won't believe me but there are men, descent men, who will appreciate ALL of you. It took me 3 years to find my guy and that was at the age of 34yrs. It took me that long because it wasn't until I was 31 that I learned to love myself and "celebrate" my ample body. When I came to that acceptance I started my search for Mr. Right. Last year I found him. But during my search I NEVER settled like I see so many women do. And you can't either. No matter how bleak it seems you can't ever settle for less than what you deserve. Phill McGraw, author of "Life Strategies" says, "You have to name it to claim it". Anonymous, you have to know what you want. What type of man will enhance your life. Notice I said enhance and not fill or complete. Know what you will put up with and what you won't and let that be known to those men who may be interested in you. I send you nothing but positive vibes in your search Anonymous. He is out there! Believe it!! Best Wishes... Linda:-)
From the Message Board: I'm a BBW living in Connecticut and I can relate to what these ladies have to say. I use to model as a full figured lady and I take pride in my appearance, however, it has become so clear to me over the years that to most men, it doesn't matter how intelligent you are, how successful, how beautiful, or how gorgeous you dress, if you're not thin, then pretty much forget it. I have seen slender women that don't take care of themselves, bad complexions, dirty clothes, and garbage mouths and still have a good looking guy on their arm. Okay, what's up with this? My Response: Well first let me say that we should all strive to look and be our best. Meaning, clean clothes and bodies and carry ourselves with respect. Who knows what it is that attracts people to each other. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The men that are going for these women that are vulgar and without class, would we want them if the opportunity arose? I know I wouldn't. I alway say birds of a feather flock together. Since coming into the size community 3-4 years ago most of the men I have dated and became friends with were what average size women would consider very attractive. I will also say the men I have dated were predominately Caucasian. I remember at a previous job the women who would pass my cubical would always stop and ask "who are those guys in those pictures"? I would smile and just say friends. I could see it in their eyes. How is it this overweight, Black woman is socializing with men that look like this. My fiancee', Michael is also Caucasian and very handsome (if I do say so myself) at 6'2 220lbs, dark hair, beautiful eyes and the sweetest man in the world. Hie's a cyclist and loves to repel mountains, kayak, hike and go camping. By the way, my idea of ruffing it is room service. Needless to say we are opposites and that's ok. Anyway, what does Michael and the other men have in common? They are attracted to big women. Why? I try not to analyze it because I feel to do so would suggest there is something wrong with it, etc. Michael has told me though that it is more than just the physical although he has said that he loves the softness of a big woman the feeling of comfort and the look. There's just so much more to play with...lol. But he also finds someone like Gabrielle Reese the Volleyball champion attractive as well. She's not "thin" he says but toned. He doesn't however find the "Allie McBeals" of the world appealing sexually at all. To him they look like boys and I must agree. Anyway, all I can say is that the right guy is out there. I was 34 when I found mine. Was it worth the long wait. Yes!
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